SET IT OFF!

Jesus really needs to STOP playing and take the damn wheel already! It is 2008 and a sister has not entered this new year fresh and clean. I am still salty about '07 (w/some '06 thrown in for context). 

My cat Rumble Basquiat died. Kidney failure. He was sick one day; dying the next; dead the day after that. It was awful and it still hurts like it happened yesterday. I miss my little post-9/11 furball.

My grandmother died. Her faith sustained her through a graceful death in her home surrounded by love. That's the way to do it.

Some adults I know showed up and showed OUT. They were vicious and insane, utterly lacking moral integrity or common sense. I am not used to this sort of thing. I can be dramatic, but I am NOT a drama queen. Drama is draining and I cannot stand people who surround themselves with chaos. If that's how you roll, you need to figure out what's really going down because something's wrong.  As far as I am concerned, crazymakers can go to hell!

Grad school shredded my happybrowngirl self-esteem. I felt like the black Jessica Simpson of my PhD program. "Is this Foucault what I have?"

It was an awful feeling to sit in my classes feeling like I had two brain cells fighting each other. Every time I ventured to speak about black intellectual radicalism or Spivak's the subaltern, I made the dumbest, most random comments. It was crazy, and afterward, I'd always think: "OMG! Did I really just say that out loud! I am such an idiot! I really just need to sit back and S.T.F.U!"

I felt like my past life working for women's mags had dumbed me down, reducing my once awesome post-college vocab to lame water-cooler conversation level. My ability to discuss pop culture as if it had something to do with how sex work industry revenue impacts the GNP of Thailand is still waiting to find a space where it can be of some use.

Nevertheless, after functioning in disaster, I did well -- earning all A's. So, yeah...I AIN'T no damn JSimp and I need to cleanse my soul for ever deigning to make that gross comparison.

Ultimately, I really, really, really, really need 2008 to be awesome. It would help if I found my dream loft...just sayin.' If I name it, I can claim it, right? Help me, Jebus!